Jo Hemmings answers your dating questions for July 2007

Dear Jo

I have met someone that I think I'm going to like a lot on this site, but he has two young children who stay with him every other weekend.  I don't have children and although I quite like them – well some of them – I am not sure how I should deal with the situation if I meet them?

Caroline, Yorkshire

Dear Caroline,

Dating can be complicated enough when no children are involved, so I understand your concerns.

Deciding when you meet the children is crucial in this situation.  While I sincerely hope that this relationship work out well for you, there is absolutely no need for you to meet the children until you feel comfortable in doing so.  This may be in a few weeks or it maybe in a few months.  It is important that your relationship has a chance to flourish before meeting his children, plus it can be confusing to the children if you are introduced too early.

When you become closer to your boyfriend and when you feel the time is right, do arrange to meet them for a short while.  Perhaps a casual visit to a park or the movies.  Nothing too demanding for you – or them.  Try to have fun, ask them a few general questions about school or friends and keep the situation as light as possible.

As their mum appears to still be on the scene, there should be little danger of resentment at your trying to replace her in some way.  Check to see whether their mother has a new partner and whether they have met him – if so, they will be used to the situation already.

Good luck! 

Jo 

Dear Jo

I like internet dating and have been doing it for a couple of years now, with some success.  But sometimes I find that's all I am doing these days to meet women and my puling skills in ‘normal’ situations are getting a bit rusty!  Any suggestions for the next time I go to a bar for instance?

Craig, Surrey 

Hi Craig

I agree with you.  Internet dating is great, but it's important to keep other options open too and you need to practice those skills!

So, here is a simple eight-point pulling plan that you can put into action next time.  It won’t guarantee a date, but you’ll be able to bask in the satisfaction that you made all the right moves!

1. Look great – apart from making sure that you have showered and shaved, look smart, confident and successful. A crisp white shirt and a pair of chinos is a whole lot better than a football shirt and ill-fitting jeans.  And trainers are a definite no-no when you’re out on the pull.  As are comedy socks, loud ties and slogan T-shirts about drinking too much...
2. Don’t drink too much – limit your alcohol intake.  A drunken leer or grab is not an attractive sight. You need to keep control of your flirting techniques.
3. Be confident – make sure that you hold your head high and have a confident walk.  Smile and look like you’re having a good time.  If you don’t feel that confident, learn how to fake it!  It works...
4. Make that Approach – if you're getting a few signals back from someone who you like the look of (eye contact, a smile) then make that approach.  Just go over and say ‘hi’.  You'd be amazed just how many people don’t bother taking that simple initiative.
5. Be friendly – once you get talking, ask a few simple questions about where she lives or what she does for a living. Keep away from politics or religion but chatting about a simple news worthy topic is always good sign.
6. Flash the cash - Don’t be a cheapskate.  Offer to buy the lady a drink.  If you check out my body language tips, you’ll be able to see if she’s interested in you or a simply a free drink...
7. Be courteous – if you’ve been chatting for a while and she doesn’t really pop your toast, be honest and just say that you enjoyed talking to her but you’re going back to see where your mates are.  Don't just nip to the loo and disappear for the rest of the evening.
8. Have fun – a bloke who looks like he’s having a good time and is relaxed is always more attractive than the miserable loner nursing a pint in the corner, or the loud, guffawing geezer telling dirty jokes.  It’s not that much of a fine line between the two so learn it!

Jo