Dear Dr. Date,
I used to think I knew what it was that women wanted in a partner, but I seem to have lost touch a little over the couple of years I have been single.
What qualities does a lady look for in a man, and does the old-fashioned behaviour of opening doors and pulling out chairs for your date still impress, or is it too over-the-top?
In my dating profile text, I write what I think women want to hear, but it doesn’t seem to be sparking any interest. Do you think I am trying too hard to be something I am not?
Any advice would be appreciated as my confidence is a little low.
Harry (name changed for privacy)
Thank you for getting in touch with us with your questions. You’re not the only one who has questions like these. Without seeing your actual profile text and your behaviour on dates, I can’t comment too personally, but hopefully I can help in some way.
We surveyed over 250 women recently and it seems women’s main preferences in a partner really haven’t changed over the last few years. According to our online dating survey, a mans most attractive personality trait is honesty. No lying, no playing games, just good old up-front honesty is appreciated by our lovely ladies.
Our female members also told us that they liked to go out on daytime dates, something casual like going for a coffee or a drink in a local pub or a nice lunch in a local restaurant. ‘Local’ being the key here, as women like to feel safe when they are meeting people for the first time. A date offered closest to home or to where they work is considered a plus in the decision making process.
When you’re actually out on a date, manners and old-fashioned chivalry go a long, long way. Subtle things like standing up when your date arrives and helping a lady with her coat are very small gestures that make a lady feel special and that you are taking an interest in her. Not all women want to be treated like a princess at all times, but at the very least, deserve manners and respect.
Our members tell us that they like to read about a man’s interests and what he likes doing with his spare time. Women like to hear about what makes a man tick, but are turned off by smutty talk and over-confidence. The same goes for under-confidence and putting yourself down in your profile text. You need to show that you are happy and upbeat about your life as that attracts people much more than saying negative things. Women generally don’t like to hear about other women and how they may have wronged or hurt you in the past, so keep the ex talk to a few dates down the line – if she brings it up!
I hope some of these little pointers are helpful and you can apply them to your online dating sometime soon.