Tag Archives: Dr. Date

What do women look for in a potential partner?

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Dear Dr. Date,

I used to think I knew what it was that women wanted in a partner, but I seem to have lost touch a little over the couple of years I have been single.

What qualities does a lady look for in a man, and does the old-fashioned behaviour of opening doors and pulling out chairs for your date still impress, or is it too over-the-top?

In my dating profile text, I write what I think women want to hear, but it doesn’t seem to be sparking any interest. Do you think I am trying too hard to be something I am not?

Any advice would be appreciated as my confidence is a little low.

Harry (name changed for privacy)
DatingAgency.com Member

Hi Harry,

Thank you for getting in touch with us with your questions. You’re not the only one who has questions like these. Without seeing your actual profile text and your behaviour on dates, I can’t comment too personally, but hopefully I can help in some way.

We surveyed over 250 women recently and it seems women’s main preferences in a partner really haven’t changed over the last few years. According to our online dating survey, a mans most attractive personality trait is honesty. No lying, no playing games, just good old up-front honesty is appreciated by our lovely ladies.

Our female members also told us that they liked to go out on daytime dates, something casual like going for a coffee or a drink in a local pub or a nice lunch in a local restaurant. ‘Local’ being the key here, as women like to feel safe when they are meeting people for the first time. A date offered closest to home or to where they work is considered a plus in the decision making process.

When you’re actually out on a date, manners and old-fashioned chivalry go a long, long way. Subtle things like standing up when your date arrives and helping a lady with her coat are very small gestures that make a lady feel special and that you are taking an interest in her. Not all women want to be treated like a princess at all times, but at the very least, deserve manners and respect.

Our members tell us that they like to read about a man’s interests and what he likes doing with his spare time. Women like to hear about what makes a man tick, but are turned off by smutty talk and over-confidence. The same goes for under-confidence and putting yourself down in your profile text. You need to show that you are happy and upbeat about your life as that attracts people much more than saying negative things. Women generally don’t like to hear about other women and how they may have wronged or hurt you in the past, so keep the ex talk to a few dates down the line – if she brings it up!

I hope some of these little pointers are helpful and you can apply them to your online dating sometime soon.

We had a great date, so why didn’t he call?

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Dear Dr. Date,

I met a lovely guy on DatingAgency.com and after chatting casually every night for a over a week, we decided to arrange somewhere to meet in person. We eventually met up and we had a great time. The date was very casual and I felt very relaxed in his company. There were no awkward silences, no differs of opinions and we generally got on great.

The thing is, he didn’t call back after the date and it’s been over two weeks now. I must admit, I could have called him, but as the days went by it got more and more obvious that he wasn’t going to call and I didn’t want to get rejected. I don’t know what’s better, not hearing back, or hearing back with a ‘thanks but no thanks’.

How can I move on from this with my self-esteem intact?

From Teresa (Name changed for privacy)
DatingAgency.com Member
Dear Teresa,

Thank you for sending in your dating dilemma, and sorry to hear you are feeling rejected by your date. I could ply you with cliches like “It’s not you, it’s him” and “There are plenty more fish in the sea” but I’m pretty sure that won’t help you much!

There are two key questions I know you will be wanting to know the answer to;

Why didn’t he call?
What’s wrong with me?

You have probably analyzed the date over and over again, trying to remember moments you could have blown it, or said the wrong things.

The reality is, I can’t tell you what the actual answers are. But I can leave you with this. In the end they didn’t call because they weren’t the right date for you.

As you get older, you get bolder. To avoid wasting precious time and heartache, don’t leave the ball in their court. You have to believe it’s their loss if they don’t call. You’re doing all the right things and you should continue to be a happy and complete person. Someone totally perfect for you will come along, take note of the great person you are and hang onto a great thing when they’ve got it.

If you are happy and confident, you will attract lots more dates. So, move on from this, the best is yet to come.

Let it go or make a move?

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make a move or let goDear Dr. Date,

I have met a man on DatingAgency.com. For the last month we have been casually sending instant and text messages for a few weeks and though it’s all very pleasant, I want more. He says he’s busy, he has a very demanding job and two teenaged children that he has sole care of. I think he likes me, and I know I like him, though we are yet to meet in the flesh.

I would like to meet with him, but I am afraid If I do the asking he will think I am pushing things and coming on too strong. I am not very good at taking rejection, and I wonder, should I wait for him to make the first move or should I just take the bull by the horns and get on with it?

Hannah, 52 (Name changed)
DatingAgency.com Member

Hi Hannah, thank you for sending your query in. I get a lot of questions like this, so you are not alone! Some people approach online dating quite differently from others, and depending on what you are looking for in the long run, could differ from the next person.

Some people join online dating websites to fall in love, some people just want someone to chat with or to make friends, and some people are open to anything. While it sounds like you are open to starting a serious relationship, the man you have met, may not be ready for that.

He obviously likes you otherwise he wouldn’t have spent time messaging you for the past two months. You didn’t say how often you talk to him, but I am assuming it is a substantial amount for you to have realised you’d like to take things further with him.

In the first instance, you need to address your own confidence issues. You fear rejection, for whatever reason I do not know, but with online dating there can be an element of hiding behind your computer or mobile phone and not showing your true feelings. Online dating is wonderful for meeting new friends and potential partners, but you won’t get far if you are not confident in yourself and able to take a few little risks.

Assuming you have read the signals correctly, have you ever considered that this man may be feeling exactly the same as you? He might also be worried of scaring you off if he asks you out on a date.
Generally, people will not be offended if you suggest a first date before they are ready. In our experience, the other person would offer an excuse but continue communicating. If this happens, wait a few days (continuing the instant messaging or texts) and then ask again.

Unless a good reason is given for not meeting, don’t ask more than two or three times. A grown man (or woman if the man is asking) can decide in a few weeks if he would like to meet you. Your time is valuable and should be used to communicate with people truly interested in meeting you.

I hope this helped you to come to a decision about what to do. Let us know how it goes, and good luck!

My daughter doesn’t like my new man

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What to do when a child does not like your new partnerDear Dr. Date

I am a divorcee of ten years now, and after embarking on the online dating scene, have found a really great man on DatingAgency.com. I really feel like our relationship might be going somewhere. We really click, and have real respect for each other. He is unlike any man I have ever met, which might sound a bit over the top, but he is so attentive, caring and has integrity, which can’t be said for many men in my life in the past.

Anyway, the time came for him to meet my daughter, who is 22 now. We all met at her favourite restaurant which I thought would settle her just in case she was feeling nervous about meeting my new partner. To my shock, she acted like a completely different person. My charming and caring daughter turned into a cutting and smart-lipped madam, who I must confess, has really surprised and hurt me.

After the meal, I politely said my goodbyes to my daughter (as we live in different parts of town) and then set about really apologising to my new partner for her bad behavior. He was so shocked, as was I, as I was convinced she would like him as much as I do.

Later that evening, my daughter text messaged me and told me simply that she didn’t like Simon, she felt he was a creep and that I could do better.

I am so hurt and upset by her reaction, but I wonder, am I expecting too much from her? Throughout my daughters life, I have put her first, without a doubt, and she recognises this, but I feel it is time for some me time and for me to get my life back. I really like Simon, and I don’t want my daughter to come between us. Do you have any advice for someone in my position, as I am really stuck here.

Karen (name changed)
DatingAgency.com Member

Well, Karen, what a predicament to be in. I do feel for you, but you are not alone. I have had a few questions like this in the past and hope I can offer you some comfort in my reply.

Firstly, your daughter, though she is a grown adult herself, needs reassurance that she is deeply loved and that your new partner, Simon, will not be taking the role of her dad. You didn’t mention if her dad is still in her life, but if he is, then it is important that you make this clear from the start.

Secondly, depending on how deeply you feel for Simon, you need to assure her that you plan on being with him for a long while and it (all going great) will be a long term relationship. She may not be bothered to get to know him or like him because she might think he is a temporary fixture. It might seem like disruption that she can do without, and might not take things seriously.

You say you have been divorced for ten years, and this may seem a long time to you, but in a child’s life (even if they are well in to their adult life now) can be very unsettling for many years and can really mould them and their thoughts about their own relationships. They might be skeptical and dismissive of your relationship with this new man, but more often than not, mainly act strange because it is really strange to see their parent with another partner who is not their mum or dad.

I am not sure how much you have talked about him with your daughter before they first met, but this can be unsettling if she didn’t know much about him and what you see in him deep down. She might see him as ‘this guy’ that you have been seeing, and not realise that you really do feel a lot for him. Hence why you wanted her to meet him.

I recommend the next thing to do is to wait a little while until you talk to your daughter about it all, give her some time to settle down a bit. Then invite her to chat to you about it in the comfort of her or your home. Explain to her exactly what you see in Simon, let her in a little bit and she will be able to see how happy he makes you. She can also voice her thoughts or concerns and you can talk them through in private before you take the next steps and with time, try again. She will want to see you happy, and will come round to things eventually.

One last thing; do remember through all of this to make sure that you not only give your daughter some of your time, your new partner some of your time, and reserve some time for yourself also.

Good luck with your new happier life, and I am so pleased you have met someone on DatingAgency.com.

Why are they not replying to my messages?

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“Dear Dr. Date

Why are the females, well let’s say 99.8% of the females on DatingAgency.com, not replying to a personal email. I find this very rude.

I have even started asking for a reply even if it’s just “no thanks”. After all, we are all here looking for a relationship, so it should not be a problem.

If the ladies on here don’t start replying I shall finish with this site.”

Bob (Name changed)
DatingAgency.com Member

Hi Bob,

Thank you for sending in your query to me, and sorry to hear you are having trouble with getting noticed on DatingAgency.com. Hopefully I can offer some advice for you to put in to practice in the future.

It’s like shopping …

Someone I know spends hours in the supermarket, scrutinizing every item, looking at the ingredients, looking at the fat content, looking at the price. I am not comparing you to a can of reduced sugar baked beans, but this kind of scrutiny is what the women are doing to all men on the site.

Mature Lady Enjoying Dating OnlineA lady receives a message from a man, a stranger by all other means, and all they have to go on is what you have in your profile, what you say in your message, and your picture. Women tend to be shy, women don’t like to put themselves out there for any old guy, women like to be sure. In your dating profile, all the vital information needs to be there so that they are satisfied you are not an axe murderer and hopefully feel safe messaging you back. Change your picture and your personal profile from time to time. Keep it fresh, short, error free, positive and honest.

A way to get your message to stand out in a lady’s inbox is to add a gift to a message or add them as a favourite, this way, the system will send a different alert to the person and get their attention.

Think of it like applying for a job

It would be great to receive a personal reply, even if a no, but the reality of the fact is, that most people, if they are not interested, won’t reply and say no thanks. It’s easier for someone to ignore a message and hope the person gets the hint than to say ‘no, you’re not my type’. You could think of this process like applying for jobs, you send your CV to 20 potential employers, and you normally only hear back from a couple. You might receive one call for an interview, and the other one was a ‘thanks but no thanks’. Like jobs, the right kind of person is out there, and takes time, effort and research to find them!

Ask and you will get

Imagine you are in a pub or the supermarket, you walk up to a nice looking lady and you say “Hi, I like your dress”. She says ‘Erm, thanks’ and gives you a slight embarrassed smile. Unless you are George Clooney, she most likely wants you to go away.

If you go up to her and say “Hi, I see you have a fitness magazine there, you don’t happen to know where the nearest fitness club is?” She will most likely reply “Yes I do …” and the conversation (if only for a moment) can start on something you both have in common, and it won’t embarrass her in front of any of her friends or family. You can end the conversation by saying “Nice chatting to you, maybe see you in here again”. Saying something casual like this, lets her know you go there often, and if she is interested in chatting some more, that maybe she’ll catch you in there again.

If you apply this to the way you message people on DatingAgency, you will be sure to get more replies. Ask someone where they were in their profile picture because it looks familiar to you, or ask them what breed of dog they have if they talk about walking their dog. Ask simple but related questions, and you will receive simple replies to build a conversation on.

One last thing…

I suggest being considerate to a woman’s feelings on ‘talk of sex’ so early on. A man should not lead with something like this as a selling point or a suggestion of further actions until some emails have gone back and forth, and you are MUCH more comfortable with each other.

I hope some of this helps you out, and if you have any further questions about DatingAgency.com, please call our friendly customer services team on 0800 987 5555 free from a landline, or email us here.

If you have a question to ask Dr Date, email him here.