I've realised it's my own fault

I always go for the unavailable, none commitment types.....

Why? because its the safest option.......

If I date anyone who lives near or even is willing to travel to meet me, says we will meet on such and such and we do, says we will do this or that and he means it, says he'll phone and he does!.....I love it at first and then I run a mile.....

Why? because I can't risk letting myself get hurt again, simple as that.

So by falling for guys who don't want a commitment, who have no intention of forming a long term relationship, I am safe...

How to I free myself from this circle I am in?
Does anyone else feel like this?
I've slowly realised this is what I am doing and I don't like it. Think I'm in for the long haul :-(

Shar I'm exactly the same except I dont fall for the wrong ones I just avoided men all together!

Like you I only realised fairly recently, after being single for 8yrs, that I did it. If any men ever came near me or showed an interest I ran a mile as fast as I could.

I started collecting femae friends, which I've never done, then sat wondering why I'd been single so long considering the fact I've had tons of offers, not always suitable ones! over the years, yet still I was choosing to stay on my own and say it's because no offers were what I was after.
I've been offered everything from the obvious to marriage, and all without ever having gone a date with anyone lol

I think in the end I decided I just had to take a risk and jump in. In fact WDs thread was pretty much about this too, every time he sneezes I panic and go to run off because I'm so scared of being hurt. (That was an over simplification but you know what I mean and dont tell anyone because I dont want anyone to know what a wimp I am ;) lol)

Watch out for the one that'll sneek in under my radar lol

You made me do a long one! :o

*snuggle*

I know what you mean. Believe it or not I'm the shy type and will always push someone forward to do something if they will. I tend to start off positive but then the shyness kicks in and the 'shall I? shan't I?' syndrome kicks in. I've learned that from something that happened in the past I have to just take the bull by the horns so to speak and do it. That's easier said than done but when you have some sort of life changing experience you decide that you have to before you get too old to do it.

That's too bad, I hope u lasses get over ur fears about not wnating to get hurt. Showing interest in someone and then blowing them off, doesn't help their confidence- this is a real confidence problem with many men ( I include myself).

I've heard it said that in any decision in life, there's really just 2 choices: choose from love or choose from fear.

I so much want to meet someone and share my life and yet I keep meeting lasses like you, who write to me cos they are attracted to me, they say, for being sincere. Yet, then those same lasses get scared when I ask directly or indirectly of them, to make a choice to want to be with me (and I am not talking about sex here either).

I hear what u r saying, but f you aren't ready to meet someone, please just don't write us folks who are and do cos it's just messing with our heads and hearts, u know.

u hang in there though and hopefully u will find a way to acknowledge that life is short and to be lived and there is no such thing as a risk free choice.

It's interesting.

I really dislike being on my own. My life is sharing, good and bad, as if you have no bad times, how can you enjoy the good, and of course, the making up.

Try as I might, I can't seem to attract any attention, and no, I'm not someones cast off, not that it matters in this context.

I do enjoy the odd evening when I can do as I wish, within the bounds of child care, but do miss adult conversation with a loved one, cuddling up in front of the tele,doing the things that couples and family do.

I do want commitment, maybe not marriage, maybe not living together, but just having that special someone, to call mine, but not own.

Bx

An interesting thread, Shar!

On the odd occasion someone does show interest in me here, I find they want to be my knight in shining armour! Take me away from the hurt and loneliness they think my life is! They can get very sniffy if I say no thanks, as I'm not hurting or lonely.

Even though it wasn't my choice, I enjoy being single. Now and again I do get the 'itch' to go dating again, but without much success. I think that is because I don't want to get 'romantically involved' again. However, the odd date or two would be welcome, if someone managed to get through my rigourous vetting process!!! My success rate is 0%.

hello Shar , pure,P I & reefer,
I also know where you are all coming from, after being with one person for over 30 yrs, I even wondered what a chat up line was these days, talking to peeps & listening I thought I'm never going to be with a partner again, I was so wary of the outside world with dating. I knew that I was not going to get someone on the rebound, I also did not want to find or look for someone that was remotely like my wife, no one could replace her, I had to find someone different. I spent my time doing just that & I was caught out. I met a woman and one thing that I learnt was don't be afraid to let your future partner after a few dates, know what you was afraid of, they too might then open up themselves. It didn't work for me that time as I was sent on a helter skelter nightmare,& I was to naive to see it. So although I got hurt big time in a short space of time, I would I am sure still go through the lets talk part again if I was to find someone else, it is all to do with the dating game ( Trust & honesty). Shar say to them & Pure what you feel, they will I'm sure listen & open up themselves. :)

Hi All

I hear what you are all saying and totally agree. I think because you have joined a dating site people are expecting a marriage proposal but its not like that. You just want to know that there is life after a break up (or whatever your circumstances are) and have a few laughs, meaningful conversations and shared experiences which might or might not lead to anything. Everyones scared of testing the waters and I don't know why. Even getting a reply from an email is like pulling teeth sometimes!!!!

Hi everyone, I tend to agree with you all we are all after one thing on here and that is to meet someone. But in order to do that I think we all have to be totally honest with each other.
I would have to meet someone in the flesh so to speak to really know weather I could get on with that person having a picture or just hearing there voice is not enough.
Wise1

Hi Shar,

I have always said that as every person is an individual, every potential relationship is going to be individual too. I don't think you can approach things with a shopping list, just concentrate on getting to know people. If you click online then meet up & if the chemistry is there, on both sides, (see Poppy's thread) then great! But that's just the start - it could go any number of ways after that - we just don't know.

I think what I'm trying to say in my rather clumsy way, is relax, be honest, be open minded and just see what happens - if it is meant to be it will be.

Take care

Chris

x

hi volupchris howz ya doinz ?

I'm doing good thanks PB

x

*mwah* volupchris

Thank you

x

Unavailable, none commitment types.....

That sounds like married men to me. Some people may tell me off for making assumptions but I get the feeling you have been hurt by your ex partner, and this has made you afraid of getting close to anyone again.

What will you get from someone that does not want commitment and has no intention of forming a LTR with you? A nice meal and a good night out maybe?

Problem with that is it is rarely enough. I think you are like most people, you in fact, do want that commitment and LTR but are haunted by your past and do not want a re run.

Shar, I think you need to try to let it go, the past that is. What happened in your last relationship is not going to be the same in your next, we are all different.

Yes you may get hurt again, as may we all but in order to find that closeness and commitment you seek you have to drop your shields and stop running away.

Feel free to ignore me or shoot me down, but you have my thoughts. All the best.

:-)

Tracey221 can you pls write 2 me at PeacefulBloke @ gmail dot com

Hello Shar

The most important factor is that you've recognised what you're doing. I used to start dating someone then realised that after 3 or 4 weeks I'd run away from the r/ship for fear of getting hurt and noticed that pattern.

What you perhaps have to learn to do is trust again? You don't know that someone is of the certain 'type' you mention unless you get to know them.

Get to know someone and don't run away everytime you feel the panic setting in. Try to persevere, but most of all learn to trust, unless they give you cause to think otherwise.

And...

Good luck xxx

I blame the women, for not recognising a good bloke when they see one.

Is that on topic? I've forgotten what the introductory remarks were.

Keith xxx

Afternoon Everyone and thank you for all your thoughts, nice to know I'm not the only one!

Grace, yes I've only just realised its what I am doing and I know its about learning to trust and accepting that nothing is guaranteed, and to find what I am looking for I will proberly have to take the plunge and maybe risk being hurt again.

cmdr..hi...No its not married men that I am on about, I wouldnt entertain the thought at all, there are plenty of single men who don't want commitment for all different reasons, but yes I have been hurt (havent most of us) and trust is an issue, my ex is now married to my ex bestfriend, a double betrayal you might say!

Pure, when I do manage to risk all (quicker than 8 years I wish, after all I'm a lot older than you lol) I hope it makes me as happy as it is you :-)

Thanks chris yes your right, I am quite calm about it really and know that I've just got to go with the flow and what will be will be :-)

And everyone else again thanks for your thoughts Shar xx