I've realised it's my own fault

Ultimately, don't we all have our own interests at heart?

Yes it does. and like you ladies we have our own fears,

I agree, I think there are men who are scared of getting involved for just the same reasons as me....being hurt....

it works both ways

Yes we do, but do you not treat all men the same guilty until proved innocent.

You are right Shar none of us want to get hurt and we put up barriers but we all have to learn to lower those barriers and take a look on the other side. We might like what we see who knows.

My one and only fear is I end up on a date with some 'dull dud' of a man. And of course, it works both ways! I don't look beyond the date.

yes I probably do... all men guilty until I can trust them anyway!

So should we treat the ladies in the same manner.

There`s some dull dud women too

I dated two on the sister site :-(

I have to echo what Wise 1 has been saying. In my experience and especially in my younger years, the saying, "Nice guys come last" holds up to be true.

Although as the lady gets older, and excuse me for using that word, what she seeks tends to change and she needs a "Nice" man and I suppose grows out of the "Bad Boy" thing.

I have never been and never will be a "Bad Boy" and think that may contribute to some of the reasons I have never been successful in love.

I distinctively remember some of my younger years when there were myself and two friends of mine. One of these was as they say, the "Bad Boy" and who did all the girls always want to go out with? Him! Myself and the other friend never got a look in.

I never understood it then and still don't now. He would treat the girls like crap, yet they could not get enough and he was not rich or goodlooking or anything like that.

Ladies perhaps you can enlighten me, what is it about "Bad Boys" that does it for you? Is it that you find them exciting or what?

Perhaps its some kind of subliminal programming that nature has given you, sort of saying that the "Bad Boy" is stronger than the "Nice Guy" and therefore will protect you better and produce stronger offspring.

In the animal kingdom, nature weeds out the "Wimps" and only the strong and successful will get to mate, thereby passing his genes and creating strong offspring.

Just a thought, however you tell me??

you may treat ladies however you choose.....

I can only speak for me, and I am completely upfront about how I feel.
I would never cheat or lie to a man and that is how I want to be treated in return, thats all.
As has been said earlier trust and respect has to be earned on both sides :-)

true very true

Perhaps thats my downfall for I treat all the people I meet with trust and repect from the outset and expect it in return.

great thread shar i to can see a lot of myself in what you are saying,we have all been hurt in the past for some reason or other and we just cannot get ourselves to make the break from what i call our comfort zone,when we get older we hate change and that also applies to dating i think we have all been alone for a while and got used to it and cannot bear anybody else in our space so to speak so we always put excuses in the way and the way we are all going we are never going to change and find somebody to trust and love again,thats my opinion any way.brian x

nicely put cmdr.

Mousebat...one dud date doesn't make a relationship, meant in the nicest possible way. The only way you find out if you're compatible physically as well as mentally, is to meet up...and you don't know if you don't try.

One bad date, could lead to one good one with someone else. If you hide yourself away from everyone, then you could be passing up a great opportunity. You have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince as they say - although am sure they don't mean kissing in the literal sense!

Thank you Wise1. Don't you think that for reasons I have given, that a younger woman will more likely be attracted to a "Bad Boy" because she is of the age when she is most likely to reproduce. Nature in its attempt to produce strong offspring, sends a message to women that the "Bad Boy" is going to be a better protector and perhaps provider, than a "Nice Boy"

When a woman is at a later stage of life, this becomes less important and as she is now less likely to reproduce, her needs change and she seeks company and security and now its the turn of the "Nice Boy" to get some attention.

Just my opinion...

(Seen it on the Discovery Channel somewhere)!

Wise1...just checked your age!
I don't know about you, but I get the feeling that one day I'll have learned so much from my experiences, I'll know just who I want, how to go about getting her, how not to frighten her off, but unfortunately I'll be dead...there's a lot to be said for enjoying the moment...sorry if this is off-topic, can't remember what the topic was.

Keith

Excuse me while I jump in the Lily pond...:-)

Keith lol :-) x