I've realised it's my own fault

Diane I agree with you totally! A similar pattern is what I'm guilty of and this time around, I'm trying to let someone get close without pushing him away - but also without letting him take the p*ss and walking all over me!


G xxx

yes di it high time , lol there is a nice guy for you , but u dont see it do u

Tracey she will eventually - we'll nag her to death about it lol.

She should go to specsavers lol

Sorry I haven't said much lately...what's this thread about, anyway?
I've been watching the Full Monty, another money making scheme...

Ha! Just spotted the title, yes, I admit it, it's a fair cop guv.

hiya mike
evenin lemomade
well dont think she read it yet lol ,

Yep, I know what you're getting at you lot ;) least I think I do... I'm running out of breath too easily these days, so he's catching up whether I like it or not! persistant bugger that he is ;) ... maybe that's where some of the guys on here are going wrong?.. they don't try hard enough and fall at the first hurdle.... x

Thought about it....but gonna resist temptation...for now :)

aztec , go for it you know you want to lol , sod temptation . your in love so follow your heart ,

hiya di , stop, look , listen . no not the bloody green cross code lol

Visions now of Aztec dressed up as the lollipop man ;D

Hi Shar - interesting thread and one that will make me probe too far into my inner self but here goes...
I probably have a certain 'type' that I fall for initially and that's probably based on looks, interaction and chemistry or a mixture of all three. Afterwards, if a relationship is developing, I find myself testing it - I ask awkward questions, suggest hypothetical cases to gauge reaction, say bloody stupid things, put obstacles in the way of moving forward, put myself down and highlight all my bad points, disbelieve, disregard and dismiss compliments and then suggest that person (who probably loves me dearly) doesn't really know what love is anyway!
Some people would accuse me of being insecure, highly-strung, sensitive, having issues & hang-ups, or just plain wierd. But I know myself very well - probably better than anyone - and the simple fact is I trust no-one and that keeps me safe! I have a heart and a head and they rule each other all the time so I have to be careful. I have dropped my guard many times and lived to regret it; I have let my heart rule my head and vice versa and have got stung both ways. Don't get me wrong, I can love and I want to be loved back but I don't yet know how to prove that the love you get back is real and everlasting and I am beginning to believe now that love is blind and that actually nothing lasts forever. Perhaps when I have learnt to 'pop' my own bubble and take life and people on face value and live for today in my own world and stick to my own goals and beliefs, then perhaps I will be more of a complete person and allow Trust to emerge so that 'hurt' will just be a passing phase for something that wasn't supposed to be.
Like you, keeping 'safe' is often the best option when you have experienced so much pain and know the damage it can do. I have stopped thinking there's something really wrong with me now and do believe I am worth more than second best so I am getting there. So many people want to see me 'settled' again but relationships are complicated. My friends (male and female) on DA have probably kept me going on a day-to-day basis and opened my mind to new ways of thinking so that gradually my sanity and faith may be restored.
In the meantime, whether I will convince a man that I am worth taking on for the long haul is yet to be seen but I expect nothing so won't be disappointed if it doesn't happen.

Golly! reading this back makes me look like I'm a real sad, cynical individual - I'm not - honest!
Melting Heart x

Hello melting heart

Here's my opinion, for what it's worth..

Your post does not make you a sad or cynical indivdual.

It shows a realistic, person and one who has faced up to her own behaviour and personality, and how it has affected your life, past and present. You are trying to change your behaviour so it doesn't affect your future.

I think it takes some courage to look inside yourself and then to talk about it to the likes of us!!

wishing you the best.

Hi melting
I agree with mousebat, your post didn't make me think you were sad or cynical and so much of what you said rang true for me.
As mousebat and other peeps on this thread have said, at least we can now see what we do and are trying to understand ourselves and do something about it :-)xx

Hi Melts and Shar and MB and anyone else who knows me lol
Yep, your post struck a chord with me too Melts, I have insecurity issues brought about by bad treatment in the past. I have this thing where I can't believe somebody actually really likes me. I ruined a relationship with a guy I loved the bones of because I couldn't accept he really liked me....I chipped away at him....saying he didn't really want me and he wanted to dump me until in the end he got fed up and dumped me. Then afterwards I remembered that although he wasn't very good at vocalising his emotions his actions spoke much louder and then I thought 'shit...what have I done? he DID like me!!' It's just about self esteem ...I find it easy to like people but find it hard to accept they like me. Would someone really actually WANT to wake up to my baggy face and even baggier body everyday for the reat of their lives?? Really??? What's wrong with them then??!!! It's something I'm working on but it takes time.
Well guys...what a pretty picture I've painted...form an orderly queue...:0)
m X

Mysti

I KNOW no one wants to wake up next to my bag of old bones and wrinkly face...they'd get better value seeing much the same thing at the Tutankanmun exhibition !!!!

How did you know about my weekend job MB?? It pays well I have to say but it's hell under them bandages on a hot day...:0(
M x

one lesson I've learned is that it is far far more important to actually like yourself. I know that sounds simple but believe me to love yourself and every aspect of you and your life, good or bad, is harder than it sounds.

But I think the that old cliche is true....if you cant love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you.

Mike (man in giving out love hat)

Hi All,

Melting, posting that thread was an extremely brave thing to do and, like a lot of people, made me think.

I was going to reply, but as I read the replies that were starting to come back I realised I couldn't add anything that hasn't already been voiced.

It did make me realise though that we're all pretty much the same with much the same hopes, fears and insecurities. I too have pressed the self destruct button in the past and I too am trying to learn from past mistakes. I might allow people to get close to me but I don't always handle the ensuing relationship correctly.

Mysti, I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to be with you. I don't know you in that we've never spoken, but you come across on these threads as a very funny and yet very sweet natured person.

Take care

Chris

x

I think I need to remove my tongue, which is firmly wedged in my cheek before the bararge of physchoanalysis!!

My sense of humour can get me in to trouble and in a straight jacket if I'm not careful.

:):)

That's very true Hatty. Tho' funny thing is I quite like me....I think I'm alright...a nice enough person......could do with some industrial strength botox and someone to hoover out my fat bits but I know I'm ok. I just don't expect everyone else to think that!!!
Do I need a shrink??