I've realised it's...

Well me lovelies, I read Shar's thread and thought that I'd post the opposite for all those that feel this way not that.

I have finally, after a while, realised that it's not my fault at all that I keep finding dates extremely irritating and end up flicking them off the island known as Jan.

It is instead because I keep on going for those that are, for want of a better term, beneath me.

These are lovely men but lack any real staying power or anything that I'm interested in at all in truth, yet previously I might have thought it was my 'fault'.

Nope, it's not, it's their lack, not mine. I fail to be interested therefore I fail to be interested enough to pay much attention and gradually I pay less and less attention. Or they pay so much attention initially to my wonderfully bright light then fail to have the compatible wattage that they will often try and place their lack upon me.

Occasionally we meet somemone who appears to have an equal wattage to us and we think we can find true unity. This might result in wasting months of our time getting to know him only for him to turn out to care more about our waist size than how well we actually get on. Yes, this did happen to me and yes, I am pissed off, and yes, take note women because this could happen to you as well!

I'm probably not the best person to write a thread about this as I've decided to be a spinster singleton for good, I've had enough. But gee, it really isn't your fault at all.

Hi, you said it yourself, you tend to go for those that may be "Beneath you"

Could you not just aim a little higher then? I think that I perhaps tend to do that as well. Because I tend not to have tremendous respect for myself, I don't aim high for fear of being rejected by someone superior. I aim for someone lower, in the hope that it will be easier to "impress" them. I have used the wrong word there but could not think of a better word right now.

Did that make any sense?

..and what is this island known as Jan? (Showing my ignorance here)

i think it's one of the lesser known maldives. i believe it was a dutch colony originally and is actually pronounced 'yan'.

as in 'wan'

No Jan is an island!

A lot of what you said strikes a chord, except I've never given up and nor should you, and, I'd guess, nor will you.

However, I've always aimed high which has meant I can go ages without seriously chatting to someone (other than as friends) never mind getting a date.

I particularly noticed your remark about wasting months to find someone wasn't suitable. That's something that I've thought about a lot...it's a very delicate topic requiring a very careful choice of words.

It's not wasted time because it's part of your life experiences, take away your life experiences and you've had no life.

On the other hand, you only get one weekend per week and this is when most of the dating gets done...anyone else showing an interest during this time is not likely to be impressed by being put on hold...I don't think it would breech any rules but I for one couldn't be seriously chatting to more than one woman at once.

Just general musings, A N Other, if you happen to read this...


Keith x

Hi Keith I have to say an excellant post.
When I first joined dating sites I dated men who I had talked to, but sort of knew that they probably wouldn't be 'Mr Right' so to speak, and I was right but made a few friends a long the way, and don't consider it wasted time.
Now I am more particular in who I date, not just for me but for the other party's sake too, not setting my standards higher or anything but I am going with more of a gut feeling of whether it will work or not. (personality, age and distance all come into that)
Also I am content to wait and not so panicy about needing a date, and enjoy chatting and making friendships on here.
(and of course thats safer for me too lol )

Yes I think it's fine to chat and have fun with more than one person on here, but yes if you start dating then one at a time I agree :-) (Just my thoughts)

Forgot to say I would never consider anyone beneath me, think we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Yes think you need to be on an equal pegging in some ways, but what is not someones cup of tea most certainly is someone else's! (again just my opinion :-))

What a refreshingly honest post Awaywiththefairies.

I don't have any luck because I haven't come across anyone I consider on a level pegging with me!!! Mind you there's more to it than that as well.

Yes, I'm blowing my own trumpet, but why shouldn't I? No one else is going to do it for me.

I view every experience as part of the learning curve I'm on being a single women/mother. However, my time is precious and I tend to not spend too much of that time chatting to someone I know I have no interest in, on any level. I do chat to a lovely gentleman I have know on several sites, but there is no romantic interest there on either side.

I'm in no rush to find anyone and I'm just enjoying the experience of the big bad world out there - virtually speaking.

:):)

Theres alot I could say here but to be honest Keith and Shar have done it for me.

And this....

"It's not wasted time because it's part of your life experiences, take away your life experiences and you've had no life."

....is actually quite profound keith, and made me have one of those 'bugger me with a fish fork the man has something there' moments!!!

Mike (man in been given something to think about hat)

oh and as an addition...having a criteria or a wish list or very high standards is fine, we all have them to a greater or lesser degree.

But it is a well known fact that the most flexible and adaptable person is often the one who is the most powerful and the one with the most success.

Mike (man in worth thinking about hat)

I honestly believe that having a well-developed intellect is an impediment, given that the procreation trick is to drench your brain in dopamine and other goodies, causing it to function erm... less efficiently. So, if a highly developed, efficiently functioning brain is good for individual survival and expolitation by capitalism, it may not be so good for procreation. Those that take the attitude 'do as you feel' will soon live with the consequences, whereas those that want some control over their futures will be more selective, and may run out of people to select before the clock calls 'time gentlemen please'!

So having a brain is fine, but not much use for family planning in my experience, because at some point it has to submit to the strange designs of the Netherlands, which most men and women approach totally differently.

now that's an interesting viewpoint, western sunrise.

.... and not one I quite want to understand!

I was trying to be diplomatic, melting!!!

That's the teacher in you, Mousebat.

haha

you might be right there, melting.

Okay well chemically speching teach, lest I offend the Grumpy Old Women on here, 'other goodies' include oxytocin, the 'touch' chemical involved in pair bonding - it actually keeps people together. Revolutionary change suggested - surgical amputation of the labour party, followed by an outbreak of honesty of motive leading to dating. It might even lead to economic recvovery! Somehow money and text just doesn't do it for me!

sounds like some one has been sniffing something chemical!

oxytocin is something that aids towards giving birth. It causes the uterus to contract and help push the baby out.

As an intelligent, professional, working woman with a brain and two children to boot, I'm talking from experience.

Now what was said about intelligent people and procreaction earlier?

As far as I am aware,oxytoxin, as a bonding hormone has only been used in animal studies.