I've realised it's...

No, I don't use external chemical aids, mousebat, except the occasional glass of wine/pint of lager. Meditation is the best way to adjust/balance internal chemical state. You're right about oxytocin though, but it starts with touch. Touch is incredibly powerful, from brief signals acknowledging intimacy, to the way lovers can walk around as a fourlegged thing joined at the hip! Of course what you describe is what it leads to. PEA is very important too - what is referred to as 'chemistry' really exists! Source: 'Why we love and lust' by Scott. That's why I'm of the firm conclusion that this business is pretty much an idle waste of time unless people decide to meet fairly early on - it just isn't realistic to judge on the limited information available.

Intelligent people and procreation - well Enoch Powell's 'Rivers of Blood' speech hinted at it, but unfortunately took the phenomenon out of context. There is an inverse relationship between intelligence and numbers of children - for many reasons, but mostly economic!

"That's why I'm of the firm conclusion that this business is pretty much an idle waste of time unless people decide to meet fairly early on - it just isn't realistic to judge on the limited information available."

so why both with internet dating then?

I disagree, it is relaistic to judge on the limited information available.

Here's an analogy for you

If I go into a sweetie shop, for example, I don't try every type of sweet in the shop to find the one I want. I pick and choose. One day it may depend on price, I may only have 50p to spend. Another day it may be on size, when I need a serious sugar rush. Another time I might want Cadbury's instead of Hershey's etc and so on. I haven't got the time to try out everything, nor do I want to. I would be sick of chocolate by the end of it.

So, I MIGHT miss out on some amazing chocolate bar that wasn't in my choice. But that's life! What I didn't know about I'll never miss.

It's about selection.
How we decide on the criteria is up to the individual.

For me it's about looks, money, the car and anything shallow sounding, and has to be a non smoker. I admit it, I'm not after a life partner or someone to have kids with. So if I read a profile that wants marriage and kids I file it under 'B' for bin. If I read a profile that likes tatoos and piercings it gets filed under 'B' again. If I read a profile about a good looking doctor who has a thing for dark haired woemn in glasses then I file it under WH - wey hey! a possible.

I'm not everyone's cup of tea either. So, if someone files me under 'B' because I'm a four eyed specky or an annoying sounding twerp etc, etc then so be it.

I think I've said enough....for now.

I think I'd have to file you under "H" and "WA" then...honest and wide awake.

The "W" weird I wouldn't apply to you.

Keith

well that's a shame....I was looking forward to being filed under W for weird.

Mind you, in my filing system 'W' wouldn't be short for weird...but I'm too polite to say what it would stand for in an open forum.

W "well" so long as it's not applied to me!

I'm not so polite, but I can't be bothered to go to all the trouble of being un-banned again.

Sorry, I'll take the fifth on that if you don't mind.

You who can quell a class with just one look...

Of course I don't mind!

Great to read the replies, interesting views…

I have written a bit of tome, but it doesn’t matter as I’m sure it won’t be read… haha…

Cut into two to post due to the silly posting limits – apparently opinion on such a matter can be limited! HA! As if!

Part 1

I suppose if I’m brutally honest with myself, after my marriage ended 3 years ago I was prepared to ‘down date’ as I felt that terrible void left by suddenly finding yourself alone although I didn’t realise what I was doing at the time. The problem was I continued down dating until I ended up dating the male single cell and naturally this caused me considerable frustration.

However, attempting to date someone on your own level, in my case, meant that he was/they were attempting to be in direct competition with me – a game at which ‘he’ will never ‘win’ because I don’t do games, competitions or telephone voting. I’m also extremely happy with my own life and the truth is, it really doesn’t matter what someone else has achieved because I’m not competing with them – I have my own life goals and am my own biggest critic.

I had started to wonder if the stereotypes that were being imposed on me were correct – after all – if you hear them often enough you do start to wonder. I absolutely detest being called a ‘strong woman’ because I actually believe I stand for the very minimal of what every woman should expect of herself – considering the fight for the female vote and women’s rights in general. All I am is an individual who from the word go chose to provide for herself (career/education), has been uncompromising in my right to be treated as an equal and has also remained a woman throughout in my own personal version of femininity. It’s not that complicated or shocking is it? Yet what I believe in and live by appears to be utterly abhorrent to so many men – regardless of what they’ll say in support of equality.

I said to friend recently in an email that I was looking for a team member, a partner, not a pack leader – sadly it’s the latter that appears to be the norm in all my experiences with men to date. Aren’t we a little far along the evolutional scale to still be twittering on about men wanting to feel like they are the head of the household because otherwise it might hurt their feelings? Well what if they’re not the head of the household? What about my feelings? What if I earn the same or more? What if I’ve achieved the same or more as him? What if in terms of work, household, life, I’m actually more achieved than him? I don’t seek to emasculate him, yet he seeks to dominate me for which apparently I should understand otherwise I am called neurotic. What woman in her right mind is going to accept that? Yet so many do, hence the behaviour continues. Fact is, this is a patriarchal society, always has been, remains so. I’m not suggesting the opposite, but I do believe in a balance – which will clearly take many more hundreds of years, if ever, before men and tragically many women actually get it.

Part 2

Instead, successful relationships are based on the woman being able to successfully manipulate the circumstances so that the man believes he is the majority share holder whereas in reality, they are equal, providing she keeps her gob shut. There are some enlightened male individuals out there, sadly I've never met one but I've heard of them...

OK, so there’s a good splash of feminism in that but only from the view point that to give a shit about woman’s rights makes me a feminist. It wasn’t *me* that applied the label but it fits and I stand by it – and I don’t like labels normally. Feminism believes in female rights but it also believes in male rights – just both equally rather than one subtly, inherently and ubiquitously being more equal than the other.

If anyone is in any doubt about what feminism actually is, look it up online, I’m not going to explain it here. But it is NOT about burning underwear.

If anyone is in any doubt as to where the balance is between men and women, look it up online, there’s hoards of information out there.

The facts are there – it’s still a male world, but it doesn’t mean women can’t have their own opportunities beyond having children.

I admit I was in a mess when my marriage ended 3 years ago and after that I now feel I’d been so conditioned by it at the time that although I ended a bad marriage, I did feel that automatic, subconscious pull to find another partner. It’s part of all of us – male or female.

I have bleated on about having 'single time', which I certainly did – where many do not, but failed to realise that perhaps I had more to deal with than I allowed myself time for. Hence I’ve only really been ‘ready’ this year and now I’m ready, I realise I no longer want a partner – for a while anyway.

Ah well, that’s all for now folks, possibly for good or until the next horrendous piss up from which I return and post possibly another ‘insight’. I hope not, I might even leave altogether to remove the temptation... haha.

I’ve had several upturns in life recently and things absolutely couldn’t be any better, I wish you all luck, love and happiness.

Tara - over and out – Torrance :)

Good for you Torrance - I'm truly happy for you - keep in touch though, we had some good chat xxx

MeltingHeart x

Don't go away Torrance...even your longer posts are always interesting and readable...which can't be said of everyone...no names, no ban!

I don't go along with your views on competition in a relationship.
I couldn't imagine myself wanting anything but an equal relationship, but then I'm the only bloke that I know.

Keith x

I'm with you on this one Keith. Any relationship must be built on equality, friendship and trust. I cannot imagine not treating a partner as an equal, as anything less would (in my book) mean that one is living in the others pocket, which sooner, or later leads to disrespect, resentment etc etc etc.

"Instead, successful relationships are based on the woman being able to successfully manipulate the circumstances so that the man believes he is the majority share holder whereas in reality, they are equal, providing she keeps her gob shut."

Never a truer word spoken, AWTF!!!

"There are some enlightened male individuals out there, sadly I've never met one but I've heard of them... "

It's just an urban myth to give us hope !!!!

You like the one where we say "Of course size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it!!"


*snicker*




Sorry :/





No I'm not! :D

Keith and the other bloke... I fail to see how you missed that I look for equality, perhaps you need to read my many posts again... I was however stating the inevitable result of relationships which is, whether you like it or not, that the man wants to dominate. That's just a fact chaps, not something you or I can change.

Mousebat - drop me an email gal, there is some reading you might be interested in.

Pure - no idea what your post meant sweetheart, so I can't respond...

Cheers, T

Jan, sorry I was caught up in the whole urban myth thing lol

"You like the one where we say "Of course size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it!!" "

as a teacher, I would grade them.

Effort - A
Attainment - E

For all the hard work put in and sustained effort, the results have been disappointingly unsatisfying. Very creative, but the concept that size is important hasn't been fully understood, as yet.

Hi AWTF

I'm intrigued...but I'm a free member of this site and can't pm!
Thanks anyway.