Online dating terms, explained in plain English

Each definition below is written to stand on its own, so you can jump straight to the word you came for. Terms that matter for your safety, such as catfishing, love bombing, sextortion and romance baiting, link to the guides that explain what to do.

A to D

B

Benching. Benching is keeping someone as a back-up option: staying in occasional, friendly contact without making plans, while you see whether someone better comes along. If you are only ever contacted when the other person is at a loose end, you may be on the bench.

Breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbing is sending just enough attention, such as a like, a flirty message or a "we should meet up sometime", to keep someone interested without any intention of committing. The giveaway is that the plans never become definite.

C

Catfishing. Catfishing is pretending to be someone else online, usually with another person's photos or an invented identity. Some catfish are lonely or insecure; many are scammers, which is why a reverse image search and an early video call are worth doing. See our romance scams guide.

Cuffing season. Cuffing season is the autumn and winter months, when more single people are said to look for a partner to settle down with for the colder, darker part of the year. It is a joke as much as a trend.

Cushioning. Cushioning is keeping a few flirtations going on the side while in a relationship, as a soft landing in case it ends. It is usually discovered rather than admitted.

D

Dealbreaker. A dealbreaker is something you will not compromise on in a partner, such as wanting children, smoking or living within a certain distance. Putting your real dealbreakers on your profile saves time for everyone; our guide to writing a dating profile shows how.

DTR. DTR stands for "define the relationship": the conversation in which two people agree what they are to each other, for example whether they are exclusive or officially a couple. Many people have it after a few weeks or months of regular dates.

E to H

E

ENM (ethical non-monogamy). ENM means having, or being open to, more than one romantic or sexual relationship, with everyone involved knowing and agreeing. It covers several arrangements, including open relationships and polyamory (more than one loving relationship at the same time). If you want an exclusive relationship, an ENM profile is probably not for you.

Exclusive. Being exclusive means two people have agreed to date only each other. It often comes before calling each other partners, and is worth saying out loud rather than assuming.

F

FWB (friends with benefits). FWB describes two people who are friends and have a sexual relationship without being a couple. On a profile it signals that someone is not looking for a committed relationship.

G

Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which someone makes you doubt your own memory, perceptions or judgement, for example by insisting that things you clearly remember never happened. The word is often used loosely for any disagreement; properly, it describes a pattern of behaviour, and a pattern is a reason to step back.

Ghosting. Ghosting is ending contact with someone suddenly and without explanation, by simply no longer replying. It is common before a first meeting; after several dates it is unkind. Our guide to first messages covers what to do when replies stop.

Green flag. A green flag is a sign that someone is likely to be good for you: they are consistent, keep plans, respect your boundaries and are happy to video call or meet in public. It is the opposite of a red flag.

GSOH. GSOH stands for "good sense of humour", a shorthand familiar from newspaper personal ads. It is so common that it tells a reader very little; a line that shows what makes you laugh works better.

H

Hard launch. A hard launch is announcing a new relationship clearly and publicly, typically with a photo of the couple together on social media. Compare soft launch.

Haunting. Haunting is when someone who ghosted you stays visible in your online life, for example by watching your stories or liking old posts, without getting back in touch. It is similar to orbiting.

I to K

I

Ick. The ick is a sudden feeling of being put off by someone, often triggered by something small, such as the way they eat or talk to waiters. It is not always fair, but it is usually hard to shake.

ID-verified badge. An ID-verified badge shows that a dating site has checked a member's identity document against a photo or selfie. It confirms who someone is, not whether anything else they say is true. On DatingAgency.com the badge is optional and paid for.

IRL. IRL means "in real life", as opposed to online. "Shall we meet IRL?" means "shall we go on a date in person?"

K

Kittenfishing. Kittenfishing is presenting a flattering, out-of-date or edited version of yourself, such as old photos, a younger age or a taller height. It is a milder cousin of catfishing, and it nearly always disappoints on the first date. See our guide to dating profile photos.

L to M

L

Love bombing. Love bombing is overwhelming someone with affection, compliments, attention and talk of the future very early on. It can be a way of gaining control in a relationship, and it is a classic first stage of a romance scam. Real interest can wait a few weeks; love bombing can't.

LTR. LTR stands for "long-term relationship". "Looking for an LTR" on a profile means someone wants commitment rather than casual dating.

M

Money mule. A money mule is someone who receives money into their bank account and passes it on for someone else, often without realising it is the proceeds of crime. Romance scammers sometimes ask victims to do this; the FBI warns that anyone you met online who needs your account to move money is most likely using it for fraud.

N to R

N

Negging. Negging is giving a backhanded compliment or mild insult, such as "you're pretty for someone your age", to knock someone's confidence and make them seek approval. It is a manipulation tactic, not banter.

O

Orbiting. Orbiting is when someone stops talking to you but keeps following, watching or reacting to your social media, staying in your orbit without getting in touch. It is often what follows ghosting.

P

Pig butchering. Pig butchering is an older name for romance baiting, a scam in which a fake romance is used to draw a victim into a bogus investment. INTERPOL asked in December 2024 for the term to be dropped because it shames victims. See romance baiting.

Pocketing. Pocketing is when someone you are seeing keeps you hidden from their friends, family and social media, long after it would be normal to introduce you. Sometimes it is caution; sometimes it means they are not single.

R

Read receipt. A read receipt shows the sender that their message has been opened. It can be reassuring or a source of anxiety; on DatingAgency.com, read receipts are part of the paid membership.

Recovery scam. A recovery scam is a follow-up fraud in which someone contacts a scam victim offering to get their lost money back, for a fee. Report Fraud warns that fraudsters sometimes re-contact previous victims in this way; genuine police and banks do not charge to investigate.

Red flag. A red flag is a warning sign that someone may be dishonest, unkind or unsafe, such as pressure, secrecy, inconsistency or any request for money. One red flag can be a misunderstanding; several are a pattern. Our safety guide lists the most important ones.

Reverse image search. A reverse image search looks for other places a photo appears online, using a tool such as Google Lens or TinEye. If a dating profile photo turns up under another name, the profile is very likely fake; Report Fraud recommends this check.

Romance baiting. Romance baiting is a scam in which someone builds a fake romance or friendship, then persuades the victim to invest, often in cryptocurrency, through a website or app that shows invented profits. It is the term INTERPOL prefers to "pig butchering". Anyone met through dating who brings up investing is a reason to stop.

Romance scam. A romance scam is a fake relationship, usually started online, built to get money from the victim. Scammers build trust over weeks or months, then invent an emergency, a fee or an investment. Our romance scams guide explains the stages and where to report.

S to Z

S

Sextortion. Sextortion is blackmail using intimate images or video: the criminal threatens to share them with the victim's family, friends or employer unless they pay or send more. Do not pay; the Revenge Porn Helpline says paying won't stop the threats. Stop contact, keep evidence and report it to the police.

Situationship. A situationship is a romantic or sexual connection that has never been defined: more than friends, but not an agreed relationship. It suits some people for a while, and frustrates anyone who wants more.

Slow fade. The slow fade is ending things gradually, with slower replies, vaguer plans and fewer messages, instead of saying so. It is a gentler-looking form of ghosting, and usually more confusing.

Soft launch. A soft launch is hinting at a new relationship on social media without showing the person, such as a photo of two glasses or a hand across the table. Compare hard launch.

T

Talking stage. The talking stage is the early period of messaging, calls and perhaps a date or two, before either person has decided whether they want to see more of the other. It is useful when it leads somewhere, and worth ending if it lasts for weeks without a meeting; see from messages to a first date.

Z

Zombieing. Zombieing is when someone who ghosted you reappears, weeks or months later, as if nothing happened. Whether to reply is up to you; an explanation is a reasonable thing to ask for.