Romance scams: how they work and how to stop one

Most people who lose money to a romance scam are not careless. They are talking to someone patient, attentive and good at their job, which is getting money out of strangers. In a Pew Research Center survey, 52% of Americans who had used a dating site or app said they had come across someone they thought was trying to scam them. The point of this guide is to make the pattern so familiar that you notice it early.

Our safety guide covers meeting in person and agency vetting. This page is about the scam itself.

How a romance scam usually unfolds

The details change; the shape rarely does.

1. The approach. A warm, flattering message, often from a profile with very attractive photos and a respectable job. At this stage the only aim is a reply.
2. Moving off the site. Within days they suggest a messaging app, text or email "because I'm hardly ever on here". Off the site, nobody can see the messages or remove the account.
3. Building the relationship. Daily messages, good-morning texts, long conversations about family and the future. Talk of love or marriage comes early. This stage can last weeks or months.
4. The first small ask. A modest sum for a phone bill, a gift card, a delivery fee. Saying yes once makes the next yes easier.
5. Escalation. A bigger crisis, or an investment that is going very well. Each payment comes with a reason why one more will finish it.
6. The aftermath. When the money runs out, they disappear, or a "lawyer", "customs officer" or "recovery agent" gets in touch to ask for more.

UK Finance, which collects fraud data from banks, says romance scam victims made an average of 9.7 payments each in 2025, the highest of any scam type it tracks, which reflects how trust is built over time, usually starting with smaller amounts. Report Fraud says that for almost a third of people targeted, the fraud spans more than a year, and for some, many years.

The warning signs

Each of these can have an innocent explanation. Two or three together should make you stop and talk to someone you trust.

• They want to move to another app or to text almost at once.
• They seem too good to be true: perfect photos, no awkwardness, everything in common with you.
• Love, soulmates or marriage come up within days or a couple of weeks.
• They always have a reason not to video call, or the camera is "broken".
• Plans to meet keep falling through at the last minute.
• Their job keeps them far away, or abroad.
• They ask you to keep the relationship to yourself.
• Their spelling, tone or story shifts, as if different people are writing.
• Money appears in the conversation in any form: a crisis, a loan, a fee, a gift card, an investment tip.

The FBI's advice is blunt: if you haven't met after a few months, you have good reason to be suspicious.

The stories scammers tell

Investment and cryptocurrency

Here the person never asks for help; they mention how well their trading is going and offer to show you. You are guided to a website or app that shows your "profits" climbing, until you try to withdraw and are told to pay a tax or release fee first. Police and banks have often called this "pig butchering"; INTERPOL asked in December 2024 for it to be called romance baiting, because the old name shames victims and puts them off reporting. Anyone you met on a dating site who talks about investing is a reason to stop.

Emergencies and fees

A medical bill, a stolen wallet, a frozen bank account, a visa, a flight to come and see you, customs fees on a parcel or inheritance. The FTC lists medical bills, plane tickets, visas and fees to get out of trouble among the most common requests.

Work that keeps them away

A soldier on deployment, an engineer on an oil rig, a doctor with an aid charity, a contractor on a building project overseas. The job explains why they can't meet, why calls are hard, and why their money is temporarily out of reach. Be very sceptical of anyone who says they need money for leave, flights or phone calls while serving or working abroad.

Sextortion

The conversation turns flirtatious quickly, often moving to video, and you are encouraged to share an intimate image or appear on camera. Then come the threats: pay, or the images go to your family, friends or employer. Do not pay. The Revenge Porn Helpline, which supports adults in the UK, says paying rarely stops the threats and blackmailers usually come back for more. Stop contact, keep screenshots and report it (see the table below).

Being asked to move money

Sometimes the request is not for your money but for your bank account: to receive a payment and send it on. The FBI warns that if someone you met online needs your account to deposit money, they are most likely using it for other fraud. Agreeing can make you a "money mule", and the FBI describes a victim who went on to plead guilty to federal crimes.

How to check someone before you trust them

None of these checks is proof, but together they catch most fakes.

• Reverse image search their photos. Upload a profile picture to Google's image search (Google Lens) or TinEye. If the same face appears under other names, on a model's portfolio or in a news story, you have your answer. Report Fraud recommends this.
• Search their name and job. Try their name with the word "scam", and their job or story with "scammer". The FTC suggests this.
• Ask for a short live video call. A real person who is interested in you can manage five minutes on camera within a week or two. Repeated excuses are the answer.
• Ask specific questions. About their town, their work, their week. Vague or contradictory answers matter more than a single slip.
• Tell a friend. Scammers work hard to keep you to themselves because an outside view breaks the spell. Show a friend the messages before sending anything to anyone.
• Stay on the site for longer. Keeping early messages on the site means the account can be reported and the messages are kept. Our guide to moving from messages to a first date covers when to share a number.

If you've already sent money

Act today. Embarrassment costs time, and time matters.

1. Call your bank or card provider. Use the number on your card, or in the UK call 159, which connects you to your bank's fraud line (it covers banks holding more than 99% of UK current accounts). Say you think you have been the victim of a romance scam and ask them to stop or recall any payments.
2. Stop sending money and stop replying. Do not tell the scammer you are on to them; just stop.
3. Keep everything. Screenshots of the profile and messages, usernames, phone numbers, bank details you were given, receipts and wallet addresses.
4. Report it to the service for where you live (below), and report the profile to the dating site.
5. Protect your accounts. Change any passwords you shared, and tell your bank if you gave out card or account details.
6. Ignore recovery offers. Report Fraud warns that fraudsters re-contact past victims claiming they can recover the money. Hang up.

UK refunds. If you were tricked into sending a UK bank transfer by Faster Payments or CHAPS on or after 7 October 2024, your bank must normally reimburse you up to £85,000, according to the Payment Systems Regulator. Report it within 13 months of the payment; the bank may deduct an excess of up to £100, but not for vulnerable customers. Card, cash and cheque payments have separate protections. UK Finance says banks returned 67% of romance scam losses in 2025.

Cryptocurrency, gift cards and money transfer services are much harder to reverse, as the FTC warns, but tell the company you used straight away anyway.

In England and Wales, Victim Support's free Supportline (08 08 16 89 111) is open 24 hours a day if you want to talk to someone.

Where to report

If you are in immediate danger, call 999 in the UK, 000 in Australia or 911 in the US.

What the official figures show

These are only the losses people report, so the real totals are higher.

Older daters are a particular target, which our guide to online dating over 40 covers.

On our own service

On DatingAgency.com, photos are reviewed before they appear, but what members write about themselves is not checked. An optional, paid ID badge shows that someone's ID was matched to a selfie; it does not tell you whether the rest of their story is true. Profiles are also shared with partner sites in the same network, so you may hear from members of other sites.

If anyone asks you for money, pushes you to move off the site quickly or makes threats, stop replying and report them through the members help centre with their profile name and what happened. Our glossary of online dating terms explains catfishing, love bombing and the other words you may see in warnings like this one.