Staying safe with agencies, matchmakers and dating sites

People who pay an agency often relax in a way they wouldn't on an app, and that's understandable: someone has met your date, and you've paid for that. But an agency interview is not a background check, and a dating site's photo review is not an identity check. The habits below apply whichever route you take.

What vetting really covers

Agencies vary a great deal in what they check. Of the four Manchester agencies in our first city guide, one says in its terms that it verifies clients' identity and requires them to be unattached; another says all members are interviewed and ID verified, then adds that it accepts "the particulars given to us in good faith" and advises members to check information for themselves.

That is an honest description of what any agency can do. An ID check proves a person is who they say they are. It doesn't prove they are single, solvent, kind or truthful about their past. Ask any agency exactly what it checks and when, and read how agencies vet members before you rely on it.

On our own online service, photos are reviewed but what members write about themselves is not checked. An ID badge is optional and paid for. Assume nothing about a profile that you haven't confirmed yourself.

Protecting your money

With an agency, the risk is usually the contract rather than a stranger. Read it at home before you sign, don't pay a large sum on the day of a first meeting, and get the number of introductions and the refund terms in writing. Paying by credit card can give you more protection than paying by bank transfer. The warning signs guide and contracts and refunds cover this in detail.

With people you meet, the rule is simpler: never send money, gift cards, cryptocurrency or bank details to someone you haven't met in person, however long you've been talking and however urgent the story.

Romance scam warning signs

Romance scams tend to follow a pattern. Be wary if someone:

• moves the conversation off the site or app very quickly, to a messaging app or text;
• talks about love or a future together within days;
• always has a reason not to video call or meet;
• works somewhere that keeps them far away: on a rig, at sea, in the military, on a contract overseas;
• has a sudden emergency (a medical bill, a frozen account, a customs fee) that only you can help with;
• suggests an "investment" or trading opportunity;
• asks you to keep the relationship secret from friends or family.

Any one of these can be innocent. Two or three together should make you stop and talk to someone you trust.

Meeting for the first time

• Meet somewhere public and busy, and get there and back under your own steam.
• Tell a friend where you're going, who you're meeting and when you'll check in.
• Keep the first meeting short; a coffee is enough.
• Don't share your home address, workplace or financial details until you know someone well.
• If something feels wrong, leave. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Agencies that arrange the first meeting for you should still let you choose a public place. If they don't, ask why. After an introduction covers what normally happens on the first date and afterwards.

Where to report a scam or fraud

If you think you've been scammed

Act quickly, and don't let embarrassment slow you down; these scams are built to fool careful people.

1. Stop sending money and stop replying.
2. Call your bank or card provider straight away, using the number on your card. The sooner it knows, the better the chance of stopping a payment.
3. Keep everything: messages, profile names, usernames, payment receipts.
4. Report it using the table above, and report the profile to the site or agency.
5. Protect your accounts. Change passwords you may have shared. In Australia, IDCARE (1300 432 273), a not-for-profit service, helps if your identity details have been misused.
6. Beware "recovery" offers. Anyone who contacts you offering to get your money back for a fee may well be running a second scam.

If you're in immediate danger, call 999 in the UK, 000 in Australia or 911 in the US.

Reporting a member of our online service

If a member of our online service asks you for money, pressures you or behaves in a way that worries you, stop replying and report them through the members help centre, giving their profile name and what happened. Our contact page explains the options. You can also delete your own account at any time: avatar > Settings > Delete Account.